Q:Be.Do.

8/4/06: Post 1.006

I’ve been a fan of rap and hip-hop since I heard a young lad rapping his version of The Rapper’s Delight to friends in a Miami park back in 1979. Run DMC’s first album changed my life, and Grandmaster Flash cuts so on that his Zodiak sign is Capricorn. Though the decades I’ve always kept the faith. It wasn’t always easy. I was, honestly, the first person in my hometown who was in to rap. Not the first white person, not the first teenager: the first person. I have the police reports to prove it.

Somewhere along the lines a producer or a rapper decided that what the album really needed to pull it all together thematically was a good introduction. In my collection, Ice T’s Rhyme Pays is the first rap album with such an intro, and it pulls it off nicely. There are a few albums that manage to utilize the intro as a thematic piece, setting the tone, tempo and atmosphere for the rest of the album; I chronicle them in another post. This post is dedicated to the albums whose introductions completely missed the mark, the Top 10 Cheesiest Rap Intros of All Time.

Click on each song title below to listen to a low-quality .mp3, then read on…

1. Intro: Snoop Dogg, The Doggfather
2. Mrs. Barry/Intro: Black Rob, Life Story
3. Intro: De La Soul, 3 Feet High and Rising
4. Intro: DMX, It’s Dark and Hell is Hot
5. Into, A Call To Arms (The Step): Me Phi Me, One
6. Intro: Will Smith, Big Willie Style
7. Busta’s Intro: Missy Elliot, Supa Dupa Fly
8. Bathtub: Snoop Dogg, Doggystyle
9. The Coming/Intro: Busta Rhymes, The Coming
10. Intro/Court/Clef/Intro: Wyclef Jean, The Carnival

Bear in mind the fact that only one of these albums really sucks. Black Rob had one good track on Life Story, and that was Whoa. Beyond that, the album was just like the introduction: full of bragadoccio and non-sequitors, backed up with mediocre beats.

The rest of these albums, however, are solid, and that is what makes their intros so painful. The jarring transition from Snoop’s intro on Doggystyle to the first, bumping, track is rough on the ears, and a fine exemple of how far astray an intro can go. Don’t producers realize that we listen to a good album more than once? Snoop takes top honors, however, with his sophomore effort: Doggfather’s intro is a pathetic tribute to Snoop’s “true gangster roots.” Doggy, please.

Will Smith album is loaded with fun, playful, ass-shaking hip-hop, but the intro and the subsequent interludes are unplayable. Same thing with Wyclef Jean’s Carnival: arguably one of the most overlooked hip-hop albums of the 90’s, and I’d pay an extra $5 to get it without the skits. Wyclef is so egomaniacal that he submits you to 3:19 of introduction, and then, once the next track starts, it’s still another 40 seconds until the first beat. Ready or not, just start the damn music already.

Missy Elliot is such a powerful artist that I found Busta’s intro of her back in 1997 to be insulting. The woman can stand on her own, thankyouverymuch. And Busta, even though your own introduction of your debut solo effort, The Coming, was a sad echo of Ice T’s Rhyme Pays, the rest of the album kicked ass. You didn’t need the extra press, although it was the sign of many a co-female collaboration to come.

In the world of cheesy rap intros there are many, many honorable mentions, as I’m sure you’ll let me know.

Coming soon, the Top 10 Most Kick-Ass Rap Intros of All Time…