Why Didn’t I Think of This Sooner?

The phone which earns me a 15% discount by not being used got a call today. This is an oddity, because no-one knows that number, not even me. The phone usually just occupies space on the Shelf of Discarded Technology(c)(tm), but I recently charged it so that Ryder could play with it.

When answered, there was a pre-recorded message on the line declaring that “the manufacturer’s warranty on your car is about to expire. In order to remain protected in the event of a roadside emergency” yadda, yadda, scam, scam. I stayed on the line to talk to a human, but at the last second, had a great brainstorm. Instead of tearing into the person on the other end, I opted to play along:

Telemarketer: Allied Protection Services. What is the make, model and year of your vehicle?

Me: 1972 Volkswagon Beetle.

TM: Oh, we can no longer offer coverage on that vehicle.

Me: Really? Aw, man. Are you sure?

TM: Yes, we’re sorry.

Me: Are you sure? Absolutely sure? The thing keeps breaking down on the side of the road, I can’t get to Kragen and back without having to push start it at least once.

TM: No, we’re sorry. You have a nice day.

Brilliant. I’m going to try this approach on everyone, except the psuedo-survey idiots.

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