Q:Be.Do.

In the final chapters of Gallwey’s book, he lays out the true core of his approach, and asks the question at the heart of the matter: why do you play golf?

I would love to answer that question to the effect of, “I enjoy it,” or “I love the challenge of golf.” And while they are both true, they are not the truth. The truth is I play golf to keep score. A damning realization and confession. Especially since I don’t score very well. But as of late, keeping score has become the focus. I’ve been playing for three years now, I should be breaking 100 all of the time, I should have broken 90 by now!

And the funny thing is, I’m so concerned with outcome that I’m getting in the way of a solid outcome. I have often stood over tee shots with nothing but trepidation, worried about how bad I might mess this shot up. My pre-shot routine would sometimes last a good minute or two. Over the ball. I would not say that golf has been fun. Oh, there have been moments. That “1 shot a round that keeps you coming back for more.”

I have been trying to remember what playing disc golf was like for me, and whether that was any fun or not. It was plenty of fun, but I was also very good at it (I’m allowed to stake that claim: I won the California Amateur title in 2000, and finished 3rd in the San Francisco league in 2003). For the most part, disc golf was fun, especially when I was winning. But when I was playing at my best, I was able to detach from outcome for long enough to make my shot. I’d make peace with what the shot meant, then disconnect and make the shot. During one stretch where I was struggling with my putts in disc golf, I found a little mantra that would clear my mind and set me in a positive mind state: “I love my wife, and I love this putt.”

I have not found that peace in golf yet, and the number of rounds I get to play is low enough that every round takes on a larger importance. Beating the last score becomes the end all, and suddenly there is not much fun to be had after a double bogey on the first leads to a triple on the second and a quad on the fourth.

Gallwey points out that focusing solely on performance hinders enjoyment and learning: all three of which are interconnected. Focus on enjoyment, stay open to learning, and odds are that performance will go up. This resonates deeply with my own personal beliefs, and reaches far beyond golf in the process.

I love what I do for a living. I couldn’t imagine a better job for me. I have so much fun on stage, that I’ve gotten to a point where I can learn in real-time during events and make adjustments to my performance. The more fun I have, the better I do, the more fun the crowd has with me, and the more money we raise.

I’m trying to focus on what I’m feeling in every day to day situation now, especially if I’m finding myself uneasy. It has brought a new level of focus and understanding to my day to day activities, work, personal and play. But I haven’t had a chance to focus on enjoying golf yet.

I’ve got a tee time at Harding this Saturday with JV. I’d love to break 100 out there, shoot my personal best, score in the mid-90’s. What I want to focus on is the pleasure of each shot: enjoying the challenge at hand, choosing the shot, and trusting myself to execute. Hopefully, it’ll be a ball.