Writing for someone else was educational, and I quickly learned how to cater my writing style to garner the most clicks. Clicks = pay, and I managed to get over 270,000 clicks last year. Examiner.com bought me new clubs and bought me a new flat-screen TV. In fact, it was pretty much the day that I got said TV that I stopped writing for them.

I quit writing before Thanksgiving, so I missed all of the Tiger Woods meltdown. Thankfully. It was hard enough to watch one of my favorite sports figures fall from grace from a distance, I would have felt dirty profiting heavily from it. And judging from past results, I could have probably gotten a down-payment on a car from his indescretions.

Think of this: there was a tournament where it seemed as if Tiger farted on camera. A link to that video with a catch headline got me $120.00 in a single day. So very sad. I can only imagine how much scrill I could have cobbled together off of some photos of his porn-star honey. I’m glad I didn’t.

The original goal was to write about golf on my terms: what I like, my own quest to get better, courses I play, etc. I may go pull down some of my equipment and course reviews from Examiner to post here, but more likely I will just keep on keeping on from here. Beautiful thing about the Internet: everything you do stays out here forever. Like herpes.

But wait, it gets better as you walk around to the back, that is where they’ve added the ever-so-snappy customized license plate frame:

There is so much going on here, I don’t know where to begin. But that’s never stopped me before:

1. If you really do love Jack Daniels that much, that’s just plain sad. It’s such a middle-of-the-road whiskey. True rednecks drink Jim Beam, and scotch connoisseurs drink single-malt. Declaring one’s love for Jack Daniels is like declaring one’s undying love for Sandra Bullock. Meh.
2. Declaring your love for an alcoholic beverage upon your license plate is brazen at best, idiotic at worst. No real Jack Daniels drinker would put such a thing upon their plate because no real JD drinker would want to run the risk of ever being pulled over because a real JD drinker would always be running a BAL of %0.10 or better. Always.
3. “A Shot”? Really? Just one? Panzy.

Dear Presidio Trust,

Your decision to close Presidio Boulevard and a few “smaller streets” to eliminate “cut-through traffic” is short-sighted, at best. The Presidio is a very unique National Park in the heart of one of the world’s largest and most beautiful cities, and driving through it shouldn’t be seen as a bad thing.

Eliminating through traffic serves one purpose only: justifying the high rents you charge people who live on Simonds Loop, and making them feel as exclusive as the views they have.

I often drive through the Presidio because it is simply a prettier way to get from point A to point B. I like to have a view of trees in my day as I make my way across the city. It’s the same reason I often drive through Golden Gate Park, regardless of the actual traffic patterns there.

I use Presidio Boulevard to get from my house to the Golden Gate Bridge, yes. But I also use Presidio Boulevard to get from my house to the Bowling Alley and Sports Basement. Cut off my route through the Presidio and you cut off my support for those businesses as well.

If you make it more difficult for me to get to those businesses do you think I’ll go even further out of my way to get to them?

Your excuse that the Presidio is a national park, and you want to “improve the situation for visitors” is laughable. What other national parks have bent over backwards to allow George Lucas to build a massive, traffic generating business within them? What other national parks rely upon renting out residential and business buildings to sustain them?

You want less traffic in the Presidio? Kick out all of the business and all of the renters, eliminate the roads and return the park to its natural setting. But don’t make the Presidio just for the people who live in it, especially just the ones who live on Simonds Loop.

Sincerely,

Greg Quiroga

Animaniacs fans, unite! And you really had to see the rest of the bug: it is all done up to look like a ladybug. Shot on my phone, at night, there was no way I could actually get the photo. But if you live in Sonoma, you know what I’m talking about.

Of course you remember his most recognizable #1 hit, “My Yarmulke”

My yarmulke believe me, I wear it proud
I’m the jew with the crew that will rock the crowd
Cruisin’ in my benz, to the dope rhymes I pens
Cashin’ interest hard on the monies I lends.
I’m sorry if you’re not of the tribe
And don’t understand my cool ass jibe
Don’t mean to piss of those who follow the pope
But my bass is loud and my rhymes are dope.
My story is chill, my neighborhood’s not ill
But I still give it all I got, for my own Anim Zemirot
My name is Cool Jew, I get prescriptions filled at Pharmaca
And I couldn’t live without my yarmulke.

This is the C-series Benz that belongs to my 20-something neighbor. The guy opted to try and “secure” his front license plate with zip ties. Zip ties. Seriously, zip ties.

Not only that, but he only used two zip ties, so every time I saw his plate it was blown up on his grill like this.

Until the fateful day it blew off on the freeway.

I wasn’t sure until I saw the license plate…

Look, I realize the guy is probably some sort of system analyzer. It doesn’t preclude me from being incredibly immature, or thinking it’s a stupid license plate.

Just like it's inhabitant: lights are on, but nobody's home

If you check it against photos of the Governor’s mansion on Wikipedia, it really is the Governor’s pad. Only issue is, Palin doesn’t live there. But still, it is pretty damn funny…

Given that I only get to play a round every week or so, it is hard to keep my expectations in check. It also means I have lots of time to think about golf, and try to find ways to focus the next time I do play. This past Monday, I wanted to make sure I focused on having fun, and kept my expectations realistic. I really wanted to stay focused on playing every hole as if par were 5. Not as if it were a par 5, mind you, but as if par were 5. There’s a subtle distinction in there somewhere, I’m sure.

I also wanted to start working on pre-shot visualization: picturing the ball flight I want to hit for each and every shot. Without narration. Any time I catch myself thinking, “I want to hit a high soaring sand-wedge shot that sits next to the cup” I start over and try to just picture it. It is tough to do, but my golf self seems to respond.

The first four holes were far from stellar: double bogey, bogey, double, double. I was playing as a solo, and the threesome ahead of me was pulling away while the twosome behind me started pushing. The walk from the fourth green to the fifth tee was the turning point. I fought back the urge to go thermonuclear, and posited the question to myself: why do I play golf?

Re-focused on having fun and enjoying some time outside, I reset my expectations and relaxed. I found a key to focus on in my pre-swing routine for that next drive, and managed to par the hardest hole on the course. I got all jacked up for the next hole, took another double, and then parred the seventh.

I shot a 47 on the front, which isn’t a record for me at Lincoln by any stretch. I’ve shot a 42 on the front there once before. But I managed to keep my train running pretty smoothly for the rest of the round. I made a huge bogey save on #10, and then hit an 88-yard approach on #11 to within four feet to save par.

Coming into the home stretch of 15 - 18, I knew I was in good shape for overall score. I knew I was going to go way under my previous personal best of 98 at Lincoln, and might have even been facing a chance to break 90. I opted not to count up my score so I wouldn’t know for sure. I wanted to try and stick to playing each hole as it came, and not get caught up in the overall.

On fifteen, my approach shot came up short, but was right online. I chipped to within four feet and dropped the putt (I failed to mention that they aerated the greens the week before I played, and they were all sandy, slow and uneven. More so than normal). I took a bogey on the par-3 16h, and suddenly had just two holes to play, sitting on what must be a good score.

My drive on #17 was what I visualized, but my alignment was off. I got out of the sandtrap easily enough, but three putted. Then there was #18. I hit three horrible shots before I finally calmed down and hit a good iron to exactly where I was aiming. Too bad that by then I’d lost faith in myself, and wasn’t aiming at the green. Chip on, two putts and that’s a 7 to close out the round.

I got a drink and sat down to count up my score: 46 on the back (I think that’s my best back nine at Lincoln yet) combined with the 47 for my best round ever anywhere, Lincoln or otherwise. There were a lot of bright spots in the round, but surprisingly the number of fairways hit was not one of them. Every time I did hit a fairway, though, I reached the green in regulation.

Relevant stats:

Fairways hit: 3
Greens in Regulation: 3
Ups & Downs: 2
Pars: 4
Putts: 35
Fun Points: 33
Handicap before round: 30.8
Handicap after round: 30.3